kinara

So I had my daily writing limit today (I guess so) but since it's a day of misogynist shit today I shall not go to bed yet.

Here's the list of things I'm tired of today: I am tired of some men still believing we are living in some kind of 18th C without women being able to go to space or being presidents. Today I've 'learnt' that the whole matter of our poor existence is look and still it's way too low in according to "high" standards of some people. I am tired of some men believing that it's them who have the right to tell things without a proper support for their words, but it's not appropriate for women to do the same.  I've also learnt that when you make something labeled "a girl thing" there are many more guys interested in this than girls and this is not even noisy, it's just weird.

I've also learnt that Moffat is a douche bag but let me introduce you to a post here for further reading.

Here I will pause my feminist rant, but only because I want to leave some for: a) my other blog and write about a movie I've watched with Otai and my personal Will last weekend, and b) writing some mysterious thesis. It's hard to write but it's still fun and brings me to the conclusion that I should finally start planning my MS paper...

Someday, someday. I still believe it's gonna be one of a few MS papers about feminism.

On the other news, I've finished my painting last week!

best way to spend the heat ever

It took me a whole afternoon to paint such a small thing but it was worth it! It looks amazing! I hope I could find a right frame for this :P. Still, ppl find it pretty so I may even did fine with this one, yay! Now I was asked to paint a nightmare stag but I still have some things to write left, so it will have to wait till at least next weekend.

On the other news, since Otai got her comic book published I bought one and I'm still excited about this.

even got an autograph, fufufu

It's pretty and I am so proud of her. I told my beautiful parents that it's some kind of romance but I don't think they found it that interesting to actually read the thing. Or maybe they did but I haven't noticed hmm. That's also a possibility.

Actually I am getting well on social interaction lately, hahah. My inner introvert still takes pleasure in spending afternoons on sole reading but I even got friendly with some fellow fannibal lately and look what she did when I told her about my cats (btw, her cat is super cute though he's like 15). Need to invite her for dinner someday.

motive!

Do you know that feeling when there is this single gif that illustrates all of your well-being at the time but you can't even find it, so it feels even more harsh? I have this one. It's a single dry bush tumbling through a desert. A single, lonely, dehydrated bush lashed by the wind. That is quite exactly how my imagination feels like when I try writing things lately and it's not fair.

Yes, indeed, I wrote an entry at my other blog about conventions etc but it's not like it was any challenge. Besides, I feel it was rather lousy but, oh hell, it's the best my brain could produce. Still when it comes to creative writing I feel at sea. Therefore, I've abandoned my summer reading list for a while and got myself armed with books about writing theory and literary criticism and I am eating them up like a one crazy scholar and doing a bunch of weird writing exercises because, well:

Actually I don't. Nevertheless, those exercises are quite helpful. So far the best one proposes creating a set of relationships, sets, objects and action and writing short scenes by mixing them up. It sounds a little crappy but it's so much fun. Really! So much fun, indeed. I feel so hipsta because all I'm talking about lately is such literary shit, but who cares. It even gets quite handy, eg when it comes to hosting a random show for 2h - apparently, my best idea lately was to talk about art blocks. And it's only because I read a book about psychology of writing the evening before.

Maybe it all would be much better if I could obtain one of the following: attend San Diego Comic Con or drink a cup of my precious coffee. Ok, it's been only one day since I am trying to avoid it, because in my theory it makes my legs and arms hurt at night, because of magnesium and stuff. I am pretty sure the level of mangesium in my blood is now like -100, since, well, I love coffee so I am the one to blame. Even though, people tell me I shouldn't care so much because I can get a drug withdrawal. At this precious moment I've remembered that the only thing I was drinking for the whole day was tea with milk (so close enough) and that I've basically spent the whole day in the kitchen... making cucumber pastry, dinner, cake and so on BUT STILL it was all close to the jars with coffee. And coffee machine. (I am afraid tomorrow I will hit the bottom and start sniffing the box with the coffee bullets for the machine)

ironically, I've just found it on my drive. What are the chances?

Thor/Allah/Buddha please make me strong so I may avoid coffee at least for the weekend. And make me strong so I can watch all those pretty vids from panels at ComicCon without feeling envious. So far I've seen this first panel of Hannibal's staff  and I felt so happy just seeing them being so passionate about this project. I mean, I know that Fuller is a total fangirl of the whole series and the books and the story and so on, but I got hyperhappy seeing the director being so much into this. It's a great work they are doing and it gets only better. So far I've seen so much love and joy between those creators and the fandom that it makes me proud of being a fannibal :P. Seriously, so much happiness in a fandom of a series about psychopathic murderers - it's as exotic as it sounds.

blood on my name

My day today is one big deja-vu because I haven't slept enough last night. It makes my thinking and work very, very slow - I suppose the language will get hurt too, but whatever.

Last week I've had my last exam and I'm still sitting here waiting for the results. I hope I will get them soon so I can go home for some time. I do want to spend some summer home, I miss my family and cats and a room dark at night ;p. Also, I miss not having the last exam on my mind - it was very hard and extensive, a lots of material to cover etc. Basically, when I firstly saw the exam paper I was like:

But, oh the hell, I wrote... something, I left maybe 2 questions almost blank (out of 12) so I strongly hope it won't be a disaster. I am crossing my fingers to get all the signatures tomorrow so I can go home on weekend.

Which means that I am very close to my summer holidays - I will finally have time for reading all the books I've collected for last months, writing all the prose and playing all the games. I've already inaugurated my precious summer by reading Steinback's Tortilla Flat till 3AM some night lately. I have to say, I wouldn't think I may find a story about bunch of paisanos hungry for wine and fun that interesting, but I do. Though, it may be just Steinback's style. Me gusta. Also, I am just analyzing which games do I want to play and I've recently tried Spicyhorse's Akaneiro - I haven't been playing online games for some time but this one is pretty cool and not very complicated (additional points as for me being deja-vu-ed for the day constantly).

Also, I started rewriting my sketches for scenarios and fiction. I have to say, they looked much more organized in my head and on paper ;p. Though, Celtx is a software of Gods. It helps a lot while constructing a story and I am always pleased when I do not have to drown in 1000s of little notes, not being able to find them later (already happened yesterday - I have never been more interested in my notes than during those several minutes of trying to find my sketch), so all I do is just sit and concentrate. And create.

Also, last week I've watched Hannibal's finale episode and I need to write some *feels*. Of course, the most of what I think about the series has been probably said by my personal Will here but I also want to add that I am not only amazed by the story construction but also by the characters, also those who do not stand in the first line. I mean: let's take the murderers. Of course there is Hani, who is all from head to toes in his little psychopathic world and it's obvious he is a killer. Sometimes you just don't know if you are scared of him because he's planning a fancy dinner party with a lot of meat or you like him because of these scenes where he is a positive protagonist. But, apart from him there are also other murderers like the angels-maker or totem pole guy - I have to say with those two I almost felt bad about them and their story made me more sad than mad because of what they did. This is weird, since I watch a lot of crime series and I am mostly like "Oh yes, just chase down this motherfucker, he should get what he deserves, what an asshole". I never had this attitude with these two murderers. Even though I really hated Jacob Hobbs for his murders I also felt some weird kind of sympathy for him. This is the strangest aspect of this whole show too - the good and evil characters are not always perceived as they should be. It makes me think, it makes it hard to sleep at night later, but that's what makes this show oh so good.

Besides the sparkling dinners of course.

more than just a Hat with a plan

Since finals has still not ended this is how my life looks like: learn, write a project, learn, make a presentation, learn, die of the heat, learn, realize your notes are so full of shit, deers, do this:

Then as follow: learn, HannibalHannibalHannibal. Learn and maybe finally go to sleep, although you wish u spent your night at the balcony. 

Of course summer is cool - thanks Thor it's not raining or getting very cold at night so I can even catch some sun on my skin in the morning. Though, the same amount of nice weather makes our neighbors party animals, so every night one may either hear a very unclear bass tune or a very clear and noisy people talk. I don't want to say anything or sth, but it's very rude, especially for the uni students. Besides, it makes me hungry only in the evening, when it's a little less hot so I tend to make very late dinners and so go to sleep later.

Though, it makes me more creative and oh my, yesterday I made such a good salad with grapes and pasta with garlic I almost cried myself how an awesome cook I am ;p.

Also, this blog makes me hungry.

So far I am doing well with the finals, although the exams are kinda stressful, as always. Though, I'm proud of myself getting B on my EU Law exam - those were the hardest classes of the semester but the easiest exam ever (though, passing the classes was the biggest pain in the ass of the last few months). The weirdest thing is now passing the sociological methods classes - it's only 3 ECTS but it already makes me mad: we had to pass quizzes every week (I needed to write one again because the teacher thought I haven't written it), read plenty of hell'a difficult texts, write a FUCKING HARD exam containing 20 open questions AND make a project of a sociological study... which we still have to present today although it's already the exams time (it should have been done before so we get a pass for classes).

And here I am, I passed the sociology exam somehow. Also, it's time to choose MB's paper's supervisors, which again makes me think are those studies right for me.

I chose one name already only basing on what are this mister's academical interests. I have no idea who he is, is he a good supervisor, and, on the top of that, I have no idea whether the topic I am thinking about women organizations is fine.

Oh gosh, I need to finish the exams soon, I start over thinking and an amount of books to read is piling up on my desktop. I have Zadie Smith, King, Steinbeck and Harris waiting for me! Don't worry my precious ones I will be done soon. *hugs the PC and hisses heavily*

Am I getting crazy?

she's so high

The exams time is on which means that basically I am struggling a hard time fighting for every little pinch of concentration everyday. It was pain in the ass especially last week when the weather got shitty and I ended up staring at my books and loosing with the attention span, more or less like that:

At last, the weather got sunny & hot again, bringing some positive energy and together with magical power of   the incredible coffee I was able to kick some exams' asses. Though, there is still a week of those before me and I have to finish some projects, but I want to catch some fresh air now and take a deep breath.

Meanwhile, I went to the shop and bought myself an ice cream as a reward for the exam passed. I passed European culture thing after a  glamorous presentation about post-feminism, but I guess I would pass it anyway - I just like to show things and give talks about them LOL.~ Though, EU law exam  was simply the best. Firstly, I was sure I won't even pass the usual classes, because I had so very little points from quizzes, but it turned out I passed it so I was learning hard for the exam... which took around 20 minutes and contained 12 abc questions :P! And I've even scored 4 after all - it's better than my score from the classes O_O.

Weird, weird world.

Actually, I am rly suprised that my scores has been quite nice so far. 

Also, I can see the fate haven't slapped me in the face for a while, 'cause I've even got a job lately! Yes, at last, I became a sensei, fufu. After a whole year of sending CVs everywhere I went for two interviews in one of Cracovian Lg Schools and I got a job as an EFL Teacher! 

I still need to handle them some papers, I guess I will do it on Monday :P - and I hope I will start soon. I also hope that maybe I could find some summer job or intern here. Well, June has not ended yet, so I still send documents~. What else can I do, right?

Owh, yes, besides watching Hannibal (too bad it's finale is being aired next week :P I will miss it)

me & the devil

I remember that every time the summer exams time came I found myself being completely unable to adjust my clothing, shoes, concentration span and the amount of the water drank to the actual state of weather - I have to admit these days I am struggling probably the same problem, although, I cannot fit the weather because it is SO DAMN RAINY.

My shoes and hair are so wet every freaking time I need to leave the flat and go out it is slowly driving me mad. Everything began during the long weekend last week - I hoped for some nice sunny days and the only truly sunny day came when I was already setting off. Of course I love spending time at my parent's house, even though for the first time in my life I had a real trouble eating a dinner there, but I blame watching too much Hannibal.

This show is very weird - on one hand it is very creepy, because of the killers, psychopaths, and all of this,   but on the other it rather makes you feel sad because of the murderers, more than being angry at them. If you wonder how the heck is this possible you just need to  watch a few episodes. I couldn't believe this show's fandom can be so full of rainbows and gay unicorns at the same time watching a thriller series, but now I can proudly say it has the full right to claim all those rainbows... and the amount of inner jokes I make with myself probably got much higher than usual.

Also, Pućka made me watching "Arrow" series. It's really well made and engrossing. I like that it shows the development of the super-hero and the viewer is not just put in the position at which everything is already ready. Besides, the OST is brilliant and it fits the story so well. Although, it's not the main soundtrack that got stuck in my head - though I guess I can let go off this song because there is this fucking rain outside and it feels so British :P LOL.

Also, on the other shows I've watched recently I saw the Grey's Anatomy final episode of series 9 and I have to say... there is a huge gap between the previous finals and this one and it's sad because this final was probably the worst of them all. Nothing new, no mind breaking cliff hangers, old problems repeated again and again.

 The only thing I liked was that moment when Christina need to do a surgery on the heart but the lights went off and she had to listen to the heart beat to know what is going wrong with it. I love her chara but this thing was just awesome. Also, later when she was telling this to other characters I felt so envious of her. I mean, she was in that situation and at this very point she knew that this is the thing she wants to do in her life. I do envy her. I wish I had such a situation in my life - whether it was during hosting a show or a class. Too much concentration on this shitty little issue probably won't help me obtaining this, but I rly would love to experience such moment.

srsly I adore her