motive!

Do you know that feeling when there is this single gif that illustrates all of your well-being at the time but you can't even find it, so it feels even more harsh? I have this one. It's a single dry bush tumbling through a desert. A single, lonely, dehydrated bush lashed by the wind. That is quite exactly how my imagination feels like when I try writing things lately and it's not fair.

Yes, indeed, I wrote an entry at my other blog about conventions etc but it's not like it was any challenge. Besides, I feel it was rather lousy but, oh hell, it's the best my brain could produce. Still when it comes to creative writing I feel at sea. Therefore, I've abandoned my summer reading list for a while and got myself armed with books about writing theory and literary criticism and I am eating them up like a one crazy scholar and doing a bunch of weird writing exercises because, well:

Actually I don't. Nevertheless, those exercises are quite helpful. So far the best one proposes creating a set of relationships, sets, objects and action and writing short scenes by mixing them up. It sounds a little crappy but it's so much fun. Really! So much fun, indeed. I feel so hipsta because all I'm talking about lately is such literary shit, but who cares. It even gets quite handy, eg when it comes to hosting a random show for 2h - apparently, my best idea lately was to talk about art blocks. And it's only because I read a book about psychology of writing the evening before.

Maybe it all would be much better if I could obtain one of the following: attend San Diego Comic Con or drink a cup of my precious coffee. Ok, it's been only one day since I am trying to avoid it, because in my theory it makes my legs and arms hurt at night, because of magnesium and stuff. I am pretty sure the level of mangesium in my blood is now like -100, since, well, I love coffee so I am the one to blame. Even though, people tell me I shouldn't care so much because I can get a drug withdrawal. At this precious moment I've remembered that the only thing I was drinking for the whole day was tea with milk (so close enough) and that I've basically spent the whole day in the kitchen... making cucumber pastry, dinner, cake and so on BUT STILL it was all close to the jars with coffee. And coffee machine. (I am afraid tomorrow I will hit the bottom and start sniffing the box with the coffee bullets for the machine)

ironically, I've just found it on my drive. What are the chances?

Thor/Allah/Buddha please make me strong so I may avoid coffee at least for the weekend. And make me strong so I can watch all those pretty vids from panels at ComicCon without feeling envious. So far I've seen this first panel of Hannibal's staff  and I felt so happy just seeing them being so passionate about this project. I mean, I know that Fuller is a total fangirl of the whole series and the books and the story and so on, but I got hyperhappy seeing the director being so much into this. It's a great work they are doing and it gets only better. So far I've seen so much love and joy between those creators and the fandom that it makes me proud of being a fannibal :P. Seriously, so much happiness in a fandom of a series about psychopathic murderers - it's as exotic as it sounds.

all you need

An inviting sound of wooden beams cracking under my feet and astonishing lights of the stars above me when I lay my tired head on a linden-smelling pillow may mean only one thing - I am finally home! On Monday I've finally got all my signs in the index book, so I could pack up and go home. Fuck yeah.

Now, it all sounds very poetic - even the linden, but the truth is there are still bills to pay, roommates to find, things to do etc. and the fuckin' linden imprecates an uncountable mass of bees and other little buzzing shit right in front of my room and inside. That means, during a day I practically do not have a room and in the evening I need to transform into a mosquito hunter.

Therefore, I began with implementing my holy mission of reading everything I want daily. Yesterday we've visited my auntie and I kind of got fused with lit. Just look at it.

books + ice coffee = otp

And I don't even mention all those ebooks I still keep on my hard drive :P. Also, the weather is just perfect. The only thing I need to do is finding a shady place like living room, sit and get sunk for a few hours. I feel like I've really needed it.

Of course, reading is not my only entertainment now. I've recently started playing some games. I especially liked Remember Me, because it's all about omg so much fancy technology and I don't even mind that it's quite linear. The plot is fine, gameplay is very intuitive, bosses are all badass and NeoParis looks interesting. Also, the OST - OMG, the soundtrack is simply amazing! All the tracks are so cool.

I've even bought myself a gaming pad, since I was getting crazy while trying to play Tomb Raider - at last, after a few days of playing AC I've fully learnt how to use it. Though, I have a feeling it misses some kind of a joystick or sth since it's not that easy to operate a camera without the mouse and, on addition to that, when you cannot make the camera automatic. (to my surprise, in AC there's no such option!)

I also started writing, right, though I find it hard to concentrate when there is always something to do around the house :P. I just keep telling myself to stop procrastinating and "Why do you care, you are not Shakespeare anyway so it won't hurt to write".

As for now: me-0 procrastination-1.   (even though I've almost finished writing my presentation for next week anime con: still, haven't finished=doesn't count)

more than just a Hat with a plan

Since finals has still not ended this is how my life looks like: learn, write a project, learn, make a presentation, learn, die of the heat, learn, realize your notes are so full of shit, deers, do this:

Then as follow: learn, HannibalHannibalHannibal. Learn and maybe finally go to sleep, although you wish u spent your night at the balcony. 

Of course summer is cool - thanks Thor it's not raining or getting very cold at night so I can even catch some sun on my skin in the morning. Though, the same amount of nice weather makes our neighbors party animals, so every night one may either hear a very unclear bass tune or a very clear and noisy people talk. I don't want to say anything or sth, but it's very rude, especially for the uni students. Besides, it makes me hungry only in the evening, when it's a little less hot so I tend to make very late dinners and so go to sleep later.

Though, it makes me more creative and oh my, yesterday I made such a good salad with grapes and pasta with garlic I almost cried myself how an awesome cook I am ;p.

Also, this blog makes me hungry.

So far I am doing well with the finals, although the exams are kinda stressful, as always. Though, I'm proud of myself getting B on my EU Law exam - those were the hardest classes of the semester but the easiest exam ever (though, passing the classes was the biggest pain in the ass of the last few months). The weirdest thing is now passing the sociological methods classes - it's only 3 ECTS but it already makes me mad: we had to pass quizzes every week (I needed to write one again because the teacher thought I haven't written it), read plenty of hell'a difficult texts, write a FUCKING HARD exam containing 20 open questions AND make a project of a sociological study... which we still have to present today although it's already the exams time (it should have been done before so we get a pass for classes).

And here I am, I passed the sociology exam somehow. Also, it's time to choose MB's paper's supervisors, which again makes me think are those studies right for me.

I chose one name already only basing on what are this mister's academical interests. I have no idea who he is, is he a good supervisor, and, on the top of that, I have no idea whether the topic I am thinking about women organizations is fine.

Oh gosh, I need to finish the exams soon, I start over thinking and an amount of books to read is piling up on my desktop. I have Zadie Smith, King, Steinbeck and Harris waiting for me! Don't worry my precious ones I will be done soon. *hugs the PC and hisses heavily*

Am I getting crazy?

i aim to misbehave

Since the weather has already remembered how to spring I feel happier than a bird with a french fry. Lately it was so nice and pleasant that I could leave my jacket home. True, it was 19*C just during my classes when I was actually inside rather then outside, BUT I still could enjoy some spring warm - I thought it will never come. Maybe I am overoptimistic about this, even though, I don't care.

So, lately I also found myself rly enjoying this book:

I watched some of my fav vloggers going on and on about this title and I thought "C'mon I may as well give it a try". Surprisingly enough, it was so nice that the first thing I did was sending it to my friend after reading only some beginning chapters. I have to say it gives a voice to so many issues of a womanhood a part of which I couldn't describe better myself and some of them are still quite unexpected.

One may say, ok Sandberg is an American, here in the middle of Europe is a totally different piece of career and academical story - since those are the chapters I'm currently reading... but tbh it's not that different. I hope it will get translated to Polish soon so I may bring this book home and give it to my not-speaking-English female relatives. As far as I enjoyed the book I think "Lean In" is very clear and simple, so my friends and family would definitely enjoy it.

On the other not-feminism related things: last weekend we made this pretty nice hanami-styled indoors picnic and it turned out great. Here's my pretty spring bento - I shouldn't have put a splited muffin in it since it got other food's flavor, but the sesame omelet was truly a sparkling idea. We have to make this event annual - maybe next time we may get even more kakkoi Asian alcohol (and some real sakura?)~

my cute bento

I guess this whole spring just made me more anxious for colorful food. I could already stare at those bentos more than actually eat them, but my today's dinner is almost artistic. Shiny.

someone should make it a painting - I would hang it on a wall~

I wish I was so productive with other things as I tend to be in the kitchen. I guess it's what they call spring procrastination. Oh... it's called "spring depression"? Owh... Oops.