to empower is to write

I want to say, I'm not the most artistic-crafty type of person, but every year comes the time at which I just feel a burning need to get myself dirty with paint, gum crumbs and lead. This time has come, and I have no idea what I'm doing. 

At first I thought, hey, I really like peacock feathers. We even have one in the living room (original, got from some Indonesian guys). I should draw it. I grabbed a pencil and drew it. I looked at my drawing and got an idea to make it a painting, but hell, I have no idea how to color such a feather. 

I took a photo of my drawing, put it in Fresh Paint, opened some photos of feathers and tried to full my sketch with colors.

And now I'm left with this "almost a reasonable piece of art" and that - I found some hard paper, cut it and sketched the feather:

I'm pretty sure it will be nothing like the digital idea, but do I look like I care?

I guess I will finish it off tomorrow. I need to find my water colors, and maybe change the place, since there's hardly any fresh air in this room, especially when the time of the heat wave came.

Yes, it got hot, at last! I mean, srsly, it's July, how could it even get under 10*C at night?! I know the weather tends to be a whimsical thing but for Thor's sake - I want to get tanned and a little dehydrated, dreaming of an evening gentle wind. 

Summer yeah!

Yeah! With this weather I can do whatever for the whole day. Like watching Comic Con Nerd HQ Panels. So far I've seen the one with Fillion&Tudyk team - they are both amazingly hilarious and keep getting weird funny ideas all the time. I've also started watching the one with Hiddleston (haven't finished yet) and I'm planning to watch the panel with Sherlock staff and of course Hannibal producers. I love 21. C - I can just click play and see what happened only few hours ago (or rather few days, since I guess all the vids were uploaded on 21st?). I still would appreciate some live streaming, like it was with E3, but maybe they had one and I didn't know about it. Anyway, Thor bless Nerd HQ.

The other thing that I do daily is reading, of course. Since I feel deeply involved in HeAteUs, I've started reading the Hannibal series so far and omg you don't even want to know what Harris does to my imagination! A lot, needles to say, a lot! Red Dragon was awesome, absolutely astonishing - I loved all about that book, the tempo, the characters, perspective, plot twists and playing on my feelings. Then I took a dive into Silence of The Lambs and even though I heard my friend saying that this book is rather different than the previous one I still have so much feelings about Silence than I could imagine. So far I may say, the main plot was so intense and I've enjoyed seeing Dr. Lecter as a more active character. Also, it touched me so bad I still can't process my feelings steadily :P.

This is me reading Tomas Harris

 On the other news, seems I will have to go to Cracow for some time next week but I got an offer of giving a panel about food for the nearest anime con there so I guess I will have to go there some more often soon. I liked this panel so it should be fine, though I wanted to make the text public on my radio blog, but owh well, it will wait. Still I wonder if I'm still on the flow with taking anime cons etc Whatever that means - it sounded better in my head.

So far, going back to writing and stuff.

motive!

Do you know that feeling when there is this single gif that illustrates all of your well-being at the time but you can't even find it, so it feels even more harsh? I have this one. It's a single dry bush tumbling through a desert. A single, lonely, dehydrated bush lashed by the wind. That is quite exactly how my imagination feels like when I try writing things lately and it's not fair.

Yes, indeed, I wrote an entry at my other blog about conventions etc but it's not like it was any challenge. Besides, I feel it was rather lousy but, oh hell, it's the best my brain could produce. Still when it comes to creative writing I feel at sea. Therefore, I've abandoned my summer reading list for a while and got myself armed with books about writing theory and literary criticism and I am eating them up like a one crazy scholar and doing a bunch of weird writing exercises because, well:

Actually I don't. Nevertheless, those exercises are quite helpful. So far the best one proposes creating a set of relationships, sets, objects and action and writing short scenes by mixing them up. It sounds a little crappy but it's so much fun. Really! So much fun, indeed. I feel so hipsta because all I'm talking about lately is such literary shit, but who cares. It even gets quite handy, eg when it comes to hosting a random show for 2h - apparently, my best idea lately was to talk about art blocks. And it's only because I read a book about psychology of writing the evening before.

Maybe it all would be much better if I could obtain one of the following: attend San Diego Comic Con or drink a cup of my precious coffee. Ok, it's been only one day since I am trying to avoid it, because in my theory it makes my legs and arms hurt at night, because of magnesium and stuff. I am pretty sure the level of mangesium in my blood is now like -100, since, well, I love coffee so I am the one to blame. Even though, people tell me I shouldn't care so much because I can get a drug withdrawal. At this precious moment I've remembered that the only thing I was drinking for the whole day was tea with milk (so close enough) and that I've basically spent the whole day in the kitchen... making cucumber pastry, dinner, cake and so on BUT STILL it was all close to the jars with coffee. And coffee machine. (I am afraid tomorrow I will hit the bottom and start sniffing the box with the coffee bullets for the machine)

ironically, I've just found it on my drive. What are the chances?

Thor/Allah/Buddha please make me strong so I may avoid coffee at least for the weekend. And make me strong so I can watch all those pretty vids from panels at ComicCon without feeling envious. So far I've seen this first panel of Hannibal's staff  and I felt so happy just seeing them being so passionate about this project. I mean, I know that Fuller is a total fangirl of the whole series and the books and the story and so on, but I got hyperhappy seeing the director being so much into this. It's a great work they are doing and it gets only better. So far I've seen so much love and joy between those creators and the fandom that it makes me proud of being a fannibal :P. Seriously, so much happiness in a fandom of a series about psychopathic murderers - it's as exotic as it sounds.

all you need

An inviting sound of wooden beams cracking under my feet and astonishing lights of the stars above me when I lay my tired head on a linden-smelling pillow may mean only one thing - I am finally home! On Monday I've finally got all my signs in the index book, so I could pack up and go home. Fuck yeah.

Now, it all sounds very poetic - even the linden, but the truth is there are still bills to pay, roommates to find, things to do etc. and the fuckin' linden imprecates an uncountable mass of bees and other little buzzing shit right in front of my room and inside. That means, during a day I practically do not have a room and in the evening I need to transform into a mosquito hunter.

Therefore, I began with implementing my holy mission of reading everything I want daily. Yesterday we've visited my auntie and I kind of got fused with lit. Just look at it.

books + ice coffee = otp

And I don't even mention all those ebooks I still keep on my hard drive :P. Also, the weather is just perfect. The only thing I need to do is finding a shady place like living room, sit and get sunk for a few hours. I feel like I've really needed it.

Of course, reading is not my only entertainment now. I've recently started playing some games. I especially liked Remember Me, because it's all about omg so much fancy technology and I don't even mind that it's quite linear. The plot is fine, gameplay is very intuitive, bosses are all badass and NeoParis looks interesting. Also, the OST - OMG, the soundtrack is simply amazing! All the tracks are so cool.

I've even bought myself a gaming pad, since I was getting crazy while trying to play Tomb Raider - at last, after a few days of playing AC I've fully learnt how to use it. Though, I have a feeling it misses some kind of a joystick or sth since it's not that easy to operate a camera without the mouse and, on addition to that, when you cannot make the camera automatic. (to my surprise, in AC there's no such option!)

I also started writing, right, though I find it hard to concentrate when there is always something to do around the house :P. I just keep telling myself to stop procrastinating and "Why do you care, you are not Shakespeare anyway so it won't hurt to write".

As for now: me-0 procrastination-1.   (even though I've almost finished writing my presentation for next week anime con: still, haven't finished=doesn't count)

more than just a Hat with a plan

Since finals has still not ended this is how my life looks like: learn, write a project, learn, make a presentation, learn, die of the heat, learn, realize your notes are so full of shit, deers, do this:

Then as follow: learn, HannibalHannibalHannibal. Learn and maybe finally go to sleep, although you wish u spent your night at the balcony. 

Of course summer is cool - thanks Thor it's not raining or getting very cold at night so I can even catch some sun on my skin in the morning. Though, the same amount of nice weather makes our neighbors party animals, so every night one may either hear a very unclear bass tune or a very clear and noisy people talk. I don't want to say anything or sth, but it's very rude, especially for the uni students. Besides, it makes me hungry only in the evening, when it's a little less hot so I tend to make very late dinners and so go to sleep later.

Though, it makes me more creative and oh my, yesterday I made such a good salad with grapes and pasta with garlic I almost cried myself how an awesome cook I am ;p.

Also, this blog makes me hungry.

So far I am doing well with the finals, although the exams are kinda stressful, as always. Though, I'm proud of myself getting B on my EU Law exam - those were the hardest classes of the semester but the easiest exam ever (though, passing the classes was the biggest pain in the ass of the last few months). The weirdest thing is now passing the sociological methods classes - it's only 3 ECTS but it already makes me mad: we had to pass quizzes every week (I needed to write one again because the teacher thought I haven't written it), read plenty of hell'a difficult texts, write a FUCKING HARD exam containing 20 open questions AND make a project of a sociological study... which we still have to present today although it's already the exams time (it should have been done before so we get a pass for classes).

And here I am, I passed the sociology exam somehow. Also, it's time to choose MB's paper's supervisors, which again makes me think are those studies right for me.

I chose one name already only basing on what are this mister's academical interests. I have no idea who he is, is he a good supervisor, and, on the top of that, I have no idea whether the topic I am thinking about women organizations is fine.

Oh gosh, I need to finish the exams soon, I start over thinking and an amount of books to read is piling up on my desktop. I have Zadie Smith, King, Steinbeck and Harris waiting for me! Don't worry my precious ones I will be done soon. *hugs the PC and hisses heavily*

Am I getting crazy?

she's so high

The exams time is on which means that basically I am struggling a hard time fighting for every little pinch of concentration everyday. It was pain in the ass especially last week when the weather got shitty and I ended up staring at my books and loosing with the attention span, more or less like that:

At last, the weather got sunny & hot again, bringing some positive energy and together with magical power of   the incredible coffee I was able to kick some exams' asses. Though, there is still a week of those before me and I have to finish some projects, but I want to catch some fresh air now and take a deep breath.

Meanwhile, I went to the shop and bought myself an ice cream as a reward for the exam passed. I passed European culture thing after a  glamorous presentation about post-feminism, but I guess I would pass it anyway - I just like to show things and give talks about them LOL.~ Though, EU law exam  was simply the best. Firstly, I was sure I won't even pass the usual classes, because I had so very little points from quizzes, but it turned out I passed it so I was learning hard for the exam... which took around 20 minutes and contained 12 abc questions :P! And I've even scored 4 after all - it's better than my score from the classes O_O.

Weird, weird world.

Actually, I am rly suprised that my scores has been quite nice so far. 

Also, I can see the fate haven't slapped me in the face for a while, 'cause I've even got a job lately! Yes, at last, I became a sensei, fufu. After a whole year of sending CVs everywhere I went for two interviews in one of Cracovian Lg Schools and I got a job as an EFL Teacher! 

I still need to handle them some papers, I guess I will do it on Monday :P - and I hope I will start soon. I also hope that maybe I could find some summer job or intern here. Well, June has not ended yet, so I still send documents~. What else can I do, right?

Owh, yes, besides watching Hannibal (too bad it's finale is being aired next week :P I will miss it)